The Checks I Almost Ordered.

I went on the CHASE website tonight to order some checks, and I came up with these:

Some of the stylistic modifications available:

I like that a guy chose "Wendy" for his font. I think the only person who could get away with "Tapioca" is Dr. Katz.

I tried to get my address in Bookwright, but the javascript image preview couldn't change the font.

I consoled myself with a Zodiac Monogram beside my name.

I looked to see what some of the designs in other categories were, such as "Patriotic and Cultural," which had these two options:

(Did you see the difference? The one on the right has a rainbow with handprints at the end before your name!)

Then I got to step 4—the jacket options. DAng do they sell that leather cowboy envelope!

So, of course I clicked on one of those too. Then I remembered I do need checks, but these checks they cannot be. 

Thanks A Lot, HDR

Just thought I should take a moment to give thanks for the past few years' greatest photographic trend: the complete overuse of High Dynamic Range editing. HDR employs several different exposures of the same subject and then composites them together, coming up with high detail in all areas but no realistic dark shadows where they ought to exist. Denying the principle of chiaroscuro, the  interplay of light and dark tones, as exists in nature and which has been a time-honored keystone of art and photography for hundreds of years. And sometimes darkening unexpected parts of faces, such as pores, to create a "gritty" effect. So here is my thank you note to HDR photography.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for illuminating countless dirty, empty warehouses with no discernible point of focus.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for making everything real look like a 3D render.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for stealing the shade from under trees.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for even managing to suck the depth and mystery out of ancient ruins.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for making pointless stock photos look even more ridiculous and imminently dated. And for needlessly highlighting the dirt on the guy on the right's belly for absolutely no reason. Sincerely, thank you.

And thanks most of all, HDR, for THIS. 

Inappropriately Chosen Easter Dogs

Maybe it's just me, but I personally have a problem with this trend of routinely dressing dogs up in clothes. Dogs are dogs, just let them be naked and natural unless they're really cold. On special occasions, I understand the temptation to put funny outfits on them or pose them with holiday-appropriate props and take picures, and I do admit this can look very, very cute. But certain breeds do not lend themselves to wearing bunny ears and they just end up looking...wrong.

"After we're done here, I'm gonna eat you."

"The humiliating things I do for PupCorn."

"You may have gotten the outfit on me, but I refuse to participate any further in this nonsense."

"Are you f*ing serious?"

"Meh, beats begging I guess. What are you gonna do?"

"Active Seniors" using "Technology"

A favorite category of stock photo providers is one called "Active Seniors." I see this as a rebranding exercise in the representation of the elderly. Everyone has to be youthful and active these days, no rest for the weary. We've all seen the pictures of old people playing tennis, scuba diving, etc. My new favorite "active seniors" sub-genre is "seniors using technology."

"I just LOVE my Jitterbug!"

 

"Oh, Henry watches that show on the computer box, but it's too ribald for my taste."

 

"Quite simply, Ma'am, I am your worst customer service nightmare."

"They said I wasn't 'active seniors' material."

St. Patrick's Day Dogs & Cats

Got a little distracted looking for what i was supposed to be looking for on the old Shutterstock site today and looked up "St Patricks Day." Along with the stereotypical drunken buffoon pictures,  i found a lot of dressed-up puppies and kittens. For your enjoyment, I present them here.

St Patrick's Day Puppies

St. Patrick's Day Kittens

...and this little guy was too pathetic to leave out: