Stock Thrills

The Checks I Almost Ordered.

2012-03-01T03:25:16Z

I went on the CHASE website tonight to order some checks, and I came up with these:

Some of the stylistic modifications available:

I like that a guy chose "Wendy" for his font. I think the only person who could get away with "Tapioca" is Dr. Katz.

I tried to get my address in Bookwright, but the javascript image preview couldn't change the font.

I consoled myself with a Zodiac Monogram beside my name.

I looked to see what some of the designs in other categories were, such as "Patriotic and Cultural," which had these two options:

(Did you see the difference? The one on the right has a rainbow with handprints at the end before your name!)

Then I got to step 4—the jacket options. DAng do they sell that leather cowboy envelope!

So, of course I clicked on one of those too. Then I remembered I do need checks, but these checks they cannot be.

Thanks A Lot, HDR

2011-08-04T19:25:23Z

Just thought I should take a moment to give thanks for the past few years' greatest photographic trend: the complete overuse of High Dynamic Range editing. HDR employs several different exposures of the same subject and then composites them together, coming up with high detail in all areas but no realistic dark shadows where they ought to exist. Denying the principle of chiaroscuro, the interplay of light and dark tones, as exists in nature and which has been a time-honored keystone of art and photography for hundreds of years. And sometimes darkening unexpected parts of faces, such as pores, to create a "gritty" effect. So here is my thank you note to HDR photography.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for illuminating countless dirty, empty warehouses with no discernible point of focus.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for making everything real look like a 3D render.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for stealing the shade from under trees.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for even managing to suck the depth and mystery out of ancient ruins.

Thanks a lot, HDR, for making pointless stock photos look even more ridiculous and imminently dated. And for needlessly highlighting the dirt on the guy on the right's belly for absolutely no reason. Sincerely, thank you.

And thanks most of all, HDR, for THIS.

Inappropriately Chosen Easter Dogs

2011-04-24T10:01:11Z

Maybe it's just me, but I personally have a problem with this trend of routinely dressing dogs up in clothes. Dogs are dogs, just let them be naked and natural unless they're really cold. On special occasions, I understand the temptation to put funny outfits on them or pose them with holiday-appropriate props and take picures, and I do admit this can look very, very cute. But certain breeds do not lend themselves to wearing bunny ears and they just end up looking...wrong.

"After we're done here, I'm gonna eat you."

"The humiliating things I do for PupCorn."

"You may have gotten the outfit on me, but I refuse to participate any further in this nonsense."

"Are you f*ing serious?"

"Meh, beats begging I guess. What are you gonna do?"

"Active Seniors" using "Technology"

2011-03-31T16:05:31Z

A favorite category of stock photo providers is one called "Active Seniors." I see this as a rebranding exercise in the representation of the elderly. Everyone has to be youthful and active these days, no rest for the weary. We've all seen the pictures of old people playing tennis, scuba diving, etc. My new favorite "active seniors" sub-genre is "seniors using technology."

"I just LOVE my Jitterbug!"

"Oh, Henry watches that show on the computer box, but it's too ribald for my taste."

"Quite simply, Ma'am, I am your worst customer service nightmare."

"They said I wasn't 'active seniors' material."

St. Patrick's Day Dogs & Cats

2011-03-17T19:08:09Z

Got a little distracted looking for what i was supposed to be looking for on the old Shutterstock site today and looked up "St Patricks Day." Along with the stereotypical drunken buffoon pictures, i found a lot of dressed-up puppies and kittens. For your enjoyment, I present them here.

St Patrick's Day Puppies

St. Patrick's Day Kittens

...and this little guy was too pathetic to leave out:

Imaginary Television

2011-02-25T22:40:40Z

Yesterday at work I searched my favorite stock site, Shutterstock, for pictues of people watching television. What I had in mind was an over-the-shoulder shot of someone sitting on a couch with a television in view. I only found about 10 of those. I found about 200 pictures of people facing the camera pretending to watch an imaginary television behind the camera. Here are some of my favorite fails.

"Cut it out, Jeremy, you're making everyone uncomfortable."

"God, Morrissey's dreamy..."

"We paid $2,500 for this couch, and we are going to pretend it's comfortable until it wears out."

"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO! Oh Quincy, you are one smooth medical examiner!"

"I still have you, TV."

"Good lord I'm fat! And a slob about it! And I LOVE television!"

"I am SO EXCITED about TV! And I'm BLACK!!!"

The Horror.

Presidents' Day: Patriotic Cats

2011-02-21T06:11:38Z

I used the keywords "Presidents Day" to search iStockphoto.com for images. Not a lot of results, mainly pictures of the White House, the Lincoln Memorial, Mount Rushmore, etc. But among them were these gems: patriotic cats.

First, a very sincere, serious gray Uncle Sam Cat.

Or if you prefer a fluffier, more owlish and perturbed-looking cat...there's this.

Or some patriotic kittens!

In the WHY? File

2011-02-17T16:50:57Z

Sometimes, you're looking for something on a stock photo site and you get a photo that is totally unrelated to what you're looking for. In addition to that, you can't imagine why anyone would ever need that photo for any purpose, and you can't figure out what the art director was thinking when he or she came up with the idea. So I keep a WTF/Fail file for all those pictures I can't figure out. Here are just a few gems from Shutterstock.

"girl measures pumpkin with tape""boston terrier in a business suit""young attractive woman sitting in an oven"

Women Eating Jewelry

2011-01-13T22:20:00Z

In response to the recent stock photo compilations "Women laughing alone with salad" and "Men laughing alone with fruit salad," I felt I must bring this other "people eating things" phenomenon to the public's attention: Women Eating Jewelry. All photos from my favorite new stock site, Shutterstock. iStockphoto still has great content, but since being acquired by Getty, they price their photos too dearly.

Thrilling secrets of stock photography revealed!

2007-07-03T17:18:00Z

Hello all,
I'm honestly not sure how many other people have my job, but it seems to me there wouldn't be many. It's the kind of job that requires a lengthy explanation, so it's kind of a bummer at parties. I'm a digital assets manager for an education company. This means i keep track of their photo archive, which includes manufacturers' images, student photographs, and, my favorite, a large and ever-growing collection of stock images. I also do layout for course materials and choose the photos that will illustrate certain concepts in the courses. Occasionally, i believe all of us who do this work get a little bored and start to find ways to make it more interesting. I've developed a fascination with stock photography, which you could call an "art-on-spec" industry. the myriad combinations of objects and people that i've seen defy logic, all in the hope that someone somewhere will need a picture of a little asian boy at the end of a dock using a laptop computer. Sadly, i can no longer locate this picture, but if you search diligently, you might find it on photos.com. My favorite types of stock photos include:

Scanned print with a hair on it.

Charmingly hokey old copyright-expired photo.

Completely overstyled, sexist, dated photo which must have looked ridiculous even in its time (from an archive called "Women in the Workforce:") Just look how sassy she is!

It's amazing to me how much retouching i have to do on stock images, such as one where a woman had a bright red rash on her neck, or, as mentioned above, a hair appears on the image that must have been neglectfully unnoticed by the person who scanned it. Which is something else my job entails, but I make sure to spot tone every image before it goes into a book. Photos.com was the culprit in each of those incidents.

iStockphoto is my favorite stock photo website. They use really good images and there aren't any hairs on them or people with rashes in them. Some of the stuff on there I would even consider framing and putting up on my wall, which is really astonishing. Now this sounds like a sales pitch. Wouldn't that be VIRAL!

In any case, i find the whole business fascinating. It's all speculation, gambling almost, when you do a shoot. They always need pics of people in business suits. Then comes styling. What will be dated in 10 years? I think photographers and art directors are paying more attention to this now than they did in the past. My favorite photos are illustrations from science textbooks made in the 70's and 80s. More of my musings to follow...